CANADIAN GUILT

This past week has been hotter than Hades, so we've been spending the greater part of every day indoors with the fans blowing on us.

Since I'm from B.C. Canada where it rains nearly every freakin day, and rarely gets warm, much less hot, I have developed a sort of unspoken "rule" about sunny days - you don't waste them. You go out, whether you want to or not, because it won't last.

Every sunny day of my childhood, if my mother found me indoors, she exclaimed "What are you doing?! Go outside and enjoy the sun!" Of course I would go out immediately, feeling such a fool.

Staying indoors on a sunny day became a guilty, furtive thing.

One day my sister called, on a rare gorgeously sunny and warm summer day. She and I rarely spoke. Now here she was, phoning me out of the blue. In true B.C. fashion, the first words out of her mouth were "Are you out in it?"

I knew immediately what she meant, and I felt a flush of embarrassment as I admitted I had been indoors. She laughed, and admitted that she too had been doing stuff in the house. We giggled together, united in our naughtiness in thumbing our noses at the weather.

Then we fell silent as we realized we were, actually, being rather stupid to ignore the rare gorgeous day, even though we had endless things to do inside and nothing really to do outside, but we really should get out there, so we hung up and went out....

So it's a bit of a mind f*ck for me, to be doing the opposite now.

It's my second summer in California, and I'm still hearing voices from Canada. What am I doing indoors when the sun is shining out there?! Am I crazy?!

So I go out.

Immediately I'm assaulted by the sun. I rush back in for my sunglasses, shove them on my face, and barge across the deck, the soles of my feet sizzling (because barefoot is the ultimate summer experience and I want to make up for all the years I had to actually wear winter socks in June).

I'm crying out as I run across the deck, leap off onto the soil that is cracked and broken from the heat, "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!" as I scamper on tiptoes to where the sunburned grass begins and I have some relief.

I stand in the shade of the apple tree, and survey the garden. 'Is there anything I need to do out here? Oh I see the tomato plants are begging for water. I guess I should help them.' I uncoil the hose, flinching as the metal wand that has been laying in the sun sizzles off the skin from my fingers. I give the tomatoes a token watering, so they at least won't die altogether, and, apologizing to the rest of the garden, I escape back into the house.

I remind myself ... it's different here ... the sun shines All The Time so it's not necessary to take advantage, in fact it's actually mental to go out there at this time of day.

But I still feel guilty somehow....